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October 9th, 2009

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 As the world continues to spin I merely debate to get off or to stay on....so far the vote is staying on.  Labels...do they truely mean anything or is it just something given to shut you up? Lets see a quick catch up...

At Hunter now...borring and whatever 
Still at my job....least its  a job
Joining Ballys soon...I hope....
210lbs....fuck....
No real change in friends


Bipolar II
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post traumatic Stress Syndrom
Depression

more?

the list probably can go on and on so for now its a game...how much can you figgure out vs how much i need to share. I think I am done sharing the rest is on you....

you not being a friend you being a professional oppinion....you will never read this and that works for me....OCD anyone? 

August 4th, 2009

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Let's see  good things for me:

I have a job.
I have my apt.
I am dealing with my issues
I have less stress
I start back at school
I have great friends (including Mister Bear)
I am at peace with being a cunt, a bitch, and damaged goods.
I am looking forward to losing more weight.
I have a decent family
I am just in good spirits.

Fuck the bad Keep the good. So sad people are stuck in ruts. Perhaps look to those helping hands and grab one. Just see where it goes?
 

June 15th, 2009

Back from the depths...

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Well here I am ....back on my journal....

Update:

205lbs (gained within 77days bleck)
being supportive
passed school
going to Hunter College in the fall
dealing with bills
dealing with emotions


had fun a few weeks ago got shit faced with a friend and had to call Mister Bear to help get me home. Glad to have great friends! I am hoping to try a powder trip sometime soon.

Can't wait to get everything organized again...

Day 1 starts tomorrow
 

March 30th, 2009

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I need to get my fat ass back into gear. Back to working out, eatting differently, going to class, doing homework, cleaning ect. I let this stuff slide again and it's not good.  I got records from my past but it was just court records  still trying to find the much needed mental health records so I am still calling around. I am hoping to get into therapy soon. The last one didn't work out because I can't afford the prescription so this new therapy will be done through the hospital....but not as resident just out patient stuff.

I had a nice time with Mister Bear this weekend and I do hope he is feeling better. Saw Monsters Vs Aliens....very cute movie.

SL is fun we are hatching chickens and watching them grow up. Bonding with my family and just enjoying myself.

March 16th, 2009

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Update of my life as it is so far:

I don't know my weight....I am avoiding the scale...I am curious but also afraid of the damn thing so for now I am avoiding it. Good news is that I am starting to feel bones. My hip bones are starting to be prominant (even though they are still surrounded by awfulness) and the bones of my chest are more prominant which is awesome..so somethin is goin on yippie....?.....

I went to the gym with Angelic on Sunday and had a blast. We did breakfast, coffee , talking thing. Was great. :)

Having a blast in SL my mommy and my daddy are great! New shop, learning new things and just enjoying a good "family" time. It calms a part of me...yes I know this is strange but whatever. If I had a real choice of SL or RL, I would choose SL. It's happier the for me. I think some of my confusion in life is due to the stuff I don't remember. I don't remember having really good family time (as I do in SL) we don't have to really do anything just be together and it's a blast. I dunno just more to think on I guess.

Mister Bear.... I saw him and his girl on Sunday and all  I was silently thinking was damn. I didn't even see them until he said something (funny how being in your own world works). She is the same....same blah attitude, same blah looks, same blah reactions. It's sad but whatever...everyone will change and evolve when they are able to.  Anyways it went ok...awkward and all but ok. He was wayyy more thrown of guard but managed to invite me to lunch. But I declined...not my thing at this point....maybe another time.

Apt is rather clean LOL I go through phases of fuck it and omg its nasty LOL so it's doin better.

Cats...can I choke them?

Fish  still alive but not sure about the suckerfish...cuz I aint seen it since I put it in..

February 19th, 2009

Another fun one :D

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Pink's

"Funhouse"

I dance around this empty house
Tear us down
Throw you out
Screaming down the halls
Spinning all around and now we fall

Pictures framing up the past
Your taunting smirk behind the glass
This museum full of ash
Once a tickle
Now a rash

This used to be a funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down down down
I'm gonna burn it down

9, 8, 7, 6 5 4, 3, 2, 1, fun

Echoes knocking on locked doors
All the laughter from before
I'd rather live out on the street
Than in this haunted memory

I've called the movers
Called the maids
We'll try to exorcise this place
Drag my mattress to the yard
Crumble tumble house of cards

This used to be a funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down down down
I'm gonna burn it down

This used to be a funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down down down
I'm gonna burn it down

9, 8, 7, 6 5 4, 3, 2, 1, fun

Oh, I'm crawling through the doggy door
My key don't fit my lock no more
I'll change the drapes
I'll break the plates
I'll find a new place
Burn this fucker down

do do do do dodo do
do do do do dodo do
do do do do dodo do
do do do do dadadada
do do do do dodo do (9, 8, 7, 6 5 4, 3, 2, 1)
do do do do dodo do
do do do do dodo do
do do do do dodo doo

This used to be a funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down down down
I'm gonna burn it down

This used to be a funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down down down
I'm gonna burn it down

Pink's

"Bad Influence"

Alright sir
Sure I'll have another one itäs early
Three olives, shake it up, I like it dirty (dirty)
Tequila for my friend it makes her flirty (flirty)
Trust me
I'm the instigator of underwear
Showing up here and there uh oh (oh no)
I'm always on a mission from the get go
So what if it's only 1 o'clock in the afternoon
It's never too soon to send out all the invitations to the last night (of your life)

Lordy Lordy Lordy

I can't help it, I like to party, it's genetic
It's electrifying wind me up and watch me go
Where she stops nobody knows
A good excuse to be a bad influence on you and you [x15]

Alright ma'am (ma'am)
Calm down I know your son said he was in my house (my house)
He was the captain of the football team but I turned him out
He wasn't the first and he won't be the last to tone it down
This happens all the time
I'm a story to tell the alibi
They wanna go home I asked them (why)
It's daylight (not night)
They might need a break from all the real life (get a life)
It gets to be too much sometimes
It's never too late to send out all the invitations to the last night of (your life)
Lordy Lordy Lordy

I can't help it, I like to party, it's genetic
It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go
Where she stops nobody knows
A good excuse to be a bad influence on you

I'm off to see the doctor
I hope she has a cure
I hope she makes me better
What does that even mean? We don't know

Lordy Lordy Lordy

I can't help it, I like to party, it's genetic
It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go
Where she stops nobody knows
A good excuse to be a bad influence on you

Lordy Lordy Lordy

I can't help it, I like to party, it's genetic
It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go
Where she stops nobody knows
A good excuse to be a bad influence on you [x15]

I'm a good excuse (good excuse)
To be a bad influence on you and you and you
You're too tired
You're not too tired!


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still at 197  and waiting for it to start...
got puppys to play with this weekend...my mooshu and her dumb max
last night i stopped by and was teaching them a new silly thing
treats in an empty cardboard sodacan box
figgure out how to get the treats
Moo pulled and shook and put his head in the hole to get the treat
Max tore it apart to get it LOL lil dummy

Might see Mister Bear this weekend with puppys....should be fun

Shrink tonight...for the first time
Therapist  on Sat
Let's see how this all goes

February 17th, 2009


Have done:

http://www.humansexmap.com/showmap.php?mapid=map499b19218ab998.82888708


Maybe want to try:

http://www.humansexmap.com/showmap.php?mapid=map499b1b4e2ab4b4.88108465

February 16th, 2009

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Update:

197lbs
Restarting the diet tomorrow
Lots of fruits and water
Back to the wii fit
School work
Job of blah
Enjoying my friends both online and off

REMEMBER:

Not bein the fat cow anymore
Knowing my place
Remembering food is bad
To water my new orchid plant LOL

 

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